Where is your Heart?

This week, I was able to check off one of the books on my "want to read" list. It was called "Keeping Our Children's Hearts" by Teri Maxwell. An excellent book in many ways, it caused me to have a bit of introspection. One of the points she made in the book is that we can't expect to capture or keep our children's hearts, unless our children first have our hearts. Easy, right? Of course my children have my heart. I am a mother, isn't it only natural? I mean, my every day is dedicated to them...I care for them, sacrifice for them, even homeschool. Then she asked a simple question that really caused some introspection...."What do you do in your free time?" If I was honest with myself, I have to admit, I LOVE the computer. I spend almost 6 out of 7 days in my home, do the majority of my shopping online (what little I do), book tickets, take care of business, research and order homeschool materials, almost everything. I also correspond with other moms, which is something I very much enjoy. But when I thought more deeply about it, I realized that almost every free moment I had was spent on the computer. Sure, I spend plenty of my time with the kids or cleaning house, but what I realized was that, as soon as I had free time, I didn't always DESIRE to play with kids. I DESIRED to get on the computer. Furthermore, she asked how we reacted if we were on "free time" and our children interupted for a moment. Irritated? Angry? Or understanding and loving? She wasn't saying that we can't have free time or that EVERY moment of a mother's day must be with spent with our children. She was simply trying to make the point that sometimes we, as mothers, do not FULLY give our children our hearts, and that must be the first step if we are to gain theirs with the intent of leading them in the instruction of the Lord.

So the past few days, I have been challenging myself to do better. I have made more of a point to be more verbally thankful of my children during my prayer time, to be more encouraging and smile more when dealing directly with my children, to spend more time holding and interacting with A, and to do more of the "silly" (sometimes monotonous) games that so thrills JR and M. Another challenge I have decided to take on is to rise earlier in the morning. You have to understand that I am a TOTAL and complete night owl. I despise mornings, wish we could totally skip mornings and just jump straight to afternoon. I have always been this way, and the biggest struggle of my entire day happens every morning as I try to drag myself out of bed. Then it takes me a good hour to really wake up and get my brain fully functional (maybe I should learn to like coffee?) Not to make excuses, but I have truly wondered if this is related to my being a Type 1 diabetic. Although I am healthy, my body must often work twice as hard as the average "normal" person. If I happen to have a bad night with high or low blood sugars, it can take more than a day for me to fully recover. I just feel "blah" and worn out. Then again, perhaps this a totally normal thing that can be re-trained. I honestly don't know. Nonetheless, she pointed out that if we truly want to do something we enjoy, then just try to do it before the children arise. Although my kids wake WAAYY before I do, we have taught them to stay in their room until 7 am. So, my new goal is to get up around 6, have a quiet time with the Lord, do some work on the computer, then start my day.

This morning was my first official attempt. I didn't actually wake up until around 6:30, then spent 10 minutes arguing with myself. "You can do this! (Go back to sleep!) You will be so happy with yourself! (Just 15 more minutes!) You can get some housework done before the kids are up! (Who wants to do housework before 7!)...." Finally, I managed to drag myself out of bed around 6:40. I got dressed, picked my room up a bit, and then, about 6:50, this walked in:

I absolutely could not resist that adorable little face! I invited her to join me on my bed for some cuddle time. Which she immediately accepted. So, for 10 minutes, we sat together, just snuggling and talking, and I can honestly say we both enjoyed it immensely. In a home with 3 children (soon to be 4), things can hectic, and I do cherish the occasional individual moments with them. So although my morning wasn't a complete success in terms of my goal, I took the first step. And I can't think of a better reward than a private smile and hug from one of my kids!

Humble Pie

My children are not generally TV watchers, and in fact, just 2 months ago, we purchased a used TV, having not had one for 2 years. I let the kids watch a VeggieTales video periodically. One of their favorites here recently is "Madame Blueberry." The jist of this story is how a grumbly blueberry who has everything, is always cranky and crying because she wants more. She thinks more stuff will make her happy. As the tale progresses, she learns through a series of events that stuff does not make you happy, rather only God and your attitude (have a happy, thankful heart). That said, hang with me for a moment....

Anyone who is military knows how frustrating it can be to move frequently and have to restart your life each time. Add a medical issue to that, and the frustrations multiply 10 times over. Recently I have been dealing with our insurance and new doctors. I am a Type 1 diabetic, and have been for over 24 years. God has truly blessed me, allowing me to be in perfect health so many years later. My health is something that I have to do my best to earn every day however. I test my blood sugar level anywhere from 8-10 times a day most days, wear an infusion site (similiar to an IV catheter) 24/7 for insulin delivery, calculate everything that enters my mouth, and attempt to calculate every bit of energy I expend when doing anything strenuous (just try to define that word!). In January of this year, I was blessed to be approved for a new medical device that I also wear 24/7 that actually monitors my sugar levels every 5 minutes, meaning I only have to test 2-3 times a day to calibrate when I wear it. It is an amazing little device and when I use it regularly, my sugar levels become so incredibly stable! Well, when we moved recently, we changed insurance regions. The new region would not authorize my refills for the device without a new authorization. I have been working on this process for over 3 weeks now.

Finally, today I got the news that the ball was at least rolling and the paperwork was being submitted to insurance for approval. While I have not yet been authorized, I commented to my son that I was so happy the paperwork part was done so maybe I could get my "medicine" as we call it. He came and gently laid his hand on my leg and said, "So when you get more medicine, THEN you can be happy?" OUCH!!!!!

I tried to explain that my medicine was different than most "stuff," and that mommy needs it to live. As I spoke though, I realized that I didn't actually NEED this sensor device to live, as I dealt without it for 23 1/2 years. I will still fight for it, however, I realized that I certainly needed to reevaluate my heart for thankfulness and contentment and not have so much focus on what I WANT. It is truly amazing how much more children absorb than we ever realize!