Childhood Innocence

Have you ever just listened to your children? Have you ever sat around just watching them in their play? S and I love to do both. Our 2 and 4 yo say and do so many things that can only be described as sweet and innocent. Those same things, however, can be so humbling to a parent. It often leaves me wishing I still had some of that innocence.
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For example, JR is learning so much lately, and not just that, but he is really putting concepts together in his little head. Recently, we have been learning about how God owns all things, and allows us to take care of things for Him. So the other day we had driven over to look at a house, and S was on the phone. JR asked who Daddy was talking to, and I replied that he was talking to the lady who owned the house. JR immediately said, "No, Mommy, GOD owns the house, so who is Daddy talking to?" I stood corrected.
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On a more serious note, an area that really hits home for me lately is racial issues. Now that we are officially a transracial family, I am learning by leaps and bounds how society views race. Young children, of course, are totally unaware of racial issues, until a parent teaches them otherwise. Children in a transracial family are often referred to as "colorblind" because they see their siblings all the same, despite the color of their skin. However, I am learning that the kids are, in fact, well aware of color, they just don't view it with the stigmas that adults do. I got to thinking about this the other night when I was informing the kids that they would be having a new babysitter come watch them. JR asked, "What color is she?" Funny thing is, it totally didn't matter what color she was, he was simply curious. He is at the age where he likes to match colors and see who looks like who--JR has skin color like mommy, daddy, and M, A has blue eyes like JR and daddy, and N has brown eyes like mommy. Color is simply a means to help find an identity. Oh, if only the rest of society could have a bit of this innocence as well! What a wonderful place this world would be.
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The reason I started contemplating these things tonight was actually something M did. As you know I am a Type 1 diabetic. I wear an insulin pump rather than taking shots. The pump is small pager-sized computer that holds and meters the insulin out as required throughout the day. It holds a little syringe full of insulin, which is connected to a long tube, which is connected to an infusion "site"--the part that actually sticks into my skin. That is held by tape. I have to change this set up every 3 days or so.

Last night was time to change. M is fascinated by this process and has been for some while. She doesn't grasp the concept of a disease at this point, but has no doubt reached the age where she wants to be like Mommy. In imitation of me, she will often say things, "May I have juice?..my sugar's low!" And if she is nearby when I change out my infusion set, she will often grab the old one and play with it while I finish up (don't worry, there is no needle attached!).

Last night was actually the first time she actually made the site stick to her belly. She was so proud to look just like Mommy. I just found such irony in her innocence. Here I have a disease I would give almost anything to not have. I pray frequently that God's protective hand would stay on my children, and that none of them would develop diabetes and have to go through years of needles, food calculations, finger sticks, and so on. Yet, my little girl, in all her innocence, just wants to be like Mommy, no matter what the cost.

It really humbles me and reinforces the hugeness of the responsibility Christ has given me as a mother. Everything I do will be imitated by our children, as it is only natural for them to want to be like their parents. They become mirror images in their behavior, and it is imperative that we always strive to model a good example, that they may mature according to the instruction of the Lord.

Long Night

I wrote about my schedule a while back. After a bit of tweaking, I am doing really well with it. I am accomplishing so much, and it is working out beautifully! My day typcially starts at 6 am (yes you read that right! I am actually up around 6) to feed N. By 7, I am dressed, tidied up my room, made the bed, generally gotten everything ready for the day, and even had some computer time in. On a great morning, I will even get a load of laundry going and have the kids' breakfast ready for them to get up. At 7, I go help all the littles get dressed and going. By 7:30 we are eating breakfast. Sound like smooth mornings? They are... I am loving the way every morning starts out with no rush or stress (even Sundays!)

Not this morning! Last night began on schedule for the most part. S happened to be gone last night, so it was just me. Just in case we were infected with the big "Conficker C" worm that's all over the news, I stayed up a little late backing up files and photos from the hard drive. By the time I got to bed around 10:30, M, who has a cold and doesn't feel well, was crying in her room. Hoping to make the night easier and prevent waking the other kids, I invited her to sleep with me. She was restless from discomfort at first, but I finally drifted off shortly after 11. Then she vomited. All over my bed (her side, fortunately). I learned an important lesson from this event--sick little girls should have their hair pulled back or you will have to wash it! Having long hair myself, you'd think I would know that already. So I cleaned everybody up (or so I thought) and we got back to bed after 12. Around 3, N woke up for his feeding. My up and down disturbed M's sleep, so of course she became restless again. When I got back to bed, I decided to turn off my 6am alarm. I didn't consider the fact that my kids really don't sleep in, despite what their night is like. So, of course, M was awake around 6:15, asking if she could go play. Fortunately, she is obedient, and on instruction, laid down and was surprisingly still until 7 when I could wait no longer to feed N, and the other kids were ready to get up. That is when I discovered that I had vomit on my PJ's still.

On one hand I am thankful I got the extra hour sleep. On the other hand, it was interesting having the comparison with my mornings over the last week. Between the slight rush to get back on schedule for the day, and the fact I am an easily irritated walking zombie, I think I will try to get up at 6 again tomorrow. I definitely prefer the peace and serenity of my morning hour now. One day I hope to be able to commit to my quiet times with the Lord during that hour, rather than later in the day like it currently is. But at this point, I am a bit sluggish during that hour to be ready to commit to it. One step at a time.

The story of the Proverbial Woman (Proverbs 31) is truly my goal on days like this. "She gets up while it is still dark;" (v. 15), "she can laugh at the days to come;" (v. 25), "she speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction on her tongue;" (v. 26), and "she watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness;" (v. 27).

So, lack of sleep or not, I guess it's time to start our day! And a few extra loads of laundry today.

The Blessing of Motherhood

About 8 years ago, when S and I were becoming very serious in our relationship, I confided to him one evening that I would never have children. It's a long story that perhaps I will tell another day, but basically it had been ingrained in me from parents, doctors, family, and the experience of others, that Type 1 diabetics simply do not have children. That's just the way it was.

As I grew up, I turned my focus toward my biggest passion--animals. Animals consumed me. I worked at the state zoo, at nature centers, became an instructor and horse trainer for mounted police, worked at multiple vet offices, and even trained wild horses for the BLM. I pursued my education with every intent on becoming an equine (horse) veterinarian. I had my whole life mapped out. Apparently God had other plans.

Through meeting and marrying my husband, I realized that my plans to be a vet had been replaced by a desire to be a good wife. Soon after we married, I saw some diabetes and reproductive specialists who evaluated my health and diabetes history (a miracle in itself!) and convinced me that I could have children. Within the next 3 years, we were blessed with 2 biological children. However, the pregancies were very difficult for me--only partly due to diabetes. I had many complications and was unable to carry either baby to term. But we were content with our 2 and thought we were done with babies. Again, God had other plans.

The mental transition was very difficult for me, though. I must confess that I found little joy in motherhood. I felt all my plans for life had been thrown by the wayside. I was excited about each new baby, don't get me wrong, but the true, deep, inner joy I had expected just didn't come. I loved my children dearly, and I wanted to enjoy being a stay at home mom, but I just couldn't figure out how. It didn't help that JR had some health issues that made him a very difficult baby to care for. Then M came along. She was healthy, if a bit of a fussy baby, but suddenly I found myself not only a stay at home mom, but unable to even really enjoy my biggest passion--my horses. I couldn't just go ride like I used to, as I had two babies at home. Due to that and some other circumstances, I realized that I was going to have to give my horses up, at least for a "season." It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Then, through the blessing of adoption, little A came along. Although he was a happy baby by all standards, he too had some issues, due to meth-exposure in utero (we think). As a result, there were moments when he was frustrating to love and care for.

Then God really allowed a storm for me. He sent us to one of the last places I would ever choose to move, deep into an area where sin and evil abound, far away from family and horsey-friends, far from horse-related memories, far from most support systems as I knew them, far from babysitters and friends at church. As if that wasn't enough, having 3 children in itself was a HUGE change for me. A was only 8 weeks when we moved, so it only hit me after we moved how difficult 3 children, 3 and under could be. I basically ran out of arms. With 3 young children, I felt like a recluse in my home. I didn't have my past babysitters to turn to. I had to give up a job that I loved. I even had to sell my beloved car when the carseats outgrew it, and get the "soccer-mom" mini-van . I was about as lonely as I had ever been. In this place and situation He put me, I was forced to turn to God--I mean, REALLY turn towards him. I had been listening, and even doing the actions I felt led to do. But, if I was honest with myself, I did not obey with a willing heart. I was performing the actions of being a good mother, but my children did not have my focus like they should have. But once I began seeking God, He held true to his promise "...seek and you will find..."(Matthew 7:7). For the first time, I became willing to set my former dreams and ambitions aside and sought God's true will for my life. He showed me that it didn't matter how different my upbringing had been or why I felt the way I had; it didn't matter how much I had sacrificed to become the mother He had called me to be; it didn't matter how difficult the babies were or whether being a mother came "naturally" to me; it didn't even matter that I felt lousy and had trouble just getting out of bed on days when my blood sugars were too high or low. All that mattered was that God had called me to be a wife and mother. As a follower of Christ, I was expected to put my worldly desires, feelings, and emotions behind me and seek only the things of His will for me and for those entrusted to me. Scripture specifically states, "Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you." (Psalm 74:25) This kind of desire for Christ became my new goal.

I did not know the extent of my change of heart until I brought little N home in January. Over these last couple of months, I have truly and wholeheartedly ENJOYED being his mother. Not only that, but I have wholeheartedly enjoyed putting my focus on all my children. S and I keep thinking that N is the easiest baby we have ever raised. Part of me wonders if it is him, or if, perhaps, it is that my whole attitude has changed. I may never know.

Sure, we still have our off days. The kids bicker, we get sick, I have "bad-mommy" moments, and the house gets out of sorts. But I have realized that is part of learning how to best handle the life God has given me. I still miss my horses terribly. I realized a while back that it has been almost 2 years since I rode. But, I now look at it as a new season in life. Sure, I occasionally miss some of my independence I once had. I still dream about the day S can retire and we can settle into our farm, plant some roots, and call it "home." But I also know that, for now, home is wherever God chooses to send us. I have also realized that the trivial sacrifices I make to answer God's calling are NOTHING compared to the ultimate sacrifice Christ made for us. Looking back, I have to say my only regret is that I didn't realize all this sooner.

This morning when M woke up with a yucky cold, and I had to basically forget the day's schedule to just hold and rock her, I began to reflect on these things. I also realized that I didn't feel the discouragement or frustration I used to feel in that situation. Rather, I felt comfortable and at peace knowing that she is blessed with good health, that this is only temporary, and that I am doing what God has called me to do. I am being a mother! What a blessed calling!

Homeschool Planning

It is so hard to believe that I have been a homeschool mom for almost a full school year. We started in July 08, really got going in August, and have been doing it ever since. The more I have done, the more hooked on it I have become. And I have learned soooooo very much this year!

In reflection, I have read countless books and articles about homeschooling to help me make the right choices. Through that, I learned that the choices are as various as the families themselves. I spent months experimenting with different methods of schooling--computer lessons vs. bookwork, coloring vs. hands-on art, reading vs. experiencing, and so on. I learned that everything has its usefulness, and, when the children have the right heart-attitude, they can learn so much from any method. Watching JR and M learn from the lessons we did together was priceless. I loved seeing his face light up when he finished reading a new book or wrote a new letter, or seeing M get excited and yell "I did it!" when she succeeded at something new. Those are special moments that I would have missed entirely had they been in a pre-school. What began as an experimental journey for 1 year, may be turning into a "school-career" decision.

Now that we are hooked, I have spent the last week or so planning next year. I read another book called "Managers of Their Schools," also written by Teri Maxwell, a homeschool SAHM of 8. The book was filled with tips and information that really helped me mentally prepare for this overwhelming task. She broke the planning into steps. Best of all, unlike other books I have read, she showed how to incorporate your beliefs into your school planning. For example, I love having S act as the "principal" of our school. Because successful homeschooling is a family decision rather than a mommy decision, I love getting S's input and direction whenever possible. However, since I am the one who does the research, makes the purchases, attends the curriculum displays, and actually does the teaching, this can often be difficult. In this book, Teri explains how to do this, even providing forms you can fill out, give to your husband to pray about for a while, and then arrange a time to come together and make the final decisions. She also discussed in detail many of the Christian curriculum choices available, as well as some of the Biblical aspects (or lack thereof) of different homeschooling methods.

We have decided to take a more traditional schooling approach next year. This year was a fun experiment, and I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to use it as such, but it also showed me some of my very weak areas. We will be incorporating textbooks and seat work next year. When I have used books with JR and M, they truly thrive. It doesn't just bore them, as many claim, rather, they learn life principles such as structure (specific lessons on specific days), self-control (sitting still), and even decision making and the resulting consequence (pay attention, finish the lesson, and go play, or sit here for an hour). There were also several opportunities where I was required to focus on training JR's character rather than just providing a school lesson. While not always an enjoyable thing to do, it is something I have learned to value as one of the most important parts of being a Christian parent trying to raise our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Not only is their character something that will help determine success later in life, but something that could affect them for all eternity. I can't think of any God-given responsibility, more important than training our children's characters. And what a blessing it can be!

Parenting Politeness

JR, 4

Have you ever listened to very polite children and wondered how their parents taught them to speak like that? For example, imagine the following conversation I recently overheard taking place over a lunch:

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random chatter

Child A: "May I please have some more to drink?"

random chatter

Child B: "We forgot napkins!"

Mom: "Would you mind getting some please?"

Child B: "Yes, ma'm"

Child A (upon receiving a napkin): "Thank you"

Child B: "You're welcome"

random chatter

Child A: "Thank you for this yummy lunch, mom!"

Mom: "You're welcome."

random chatter

Child A: "Child B, would you please (whatever)"

Child B: "Just a moment, please, let me finish (whatever)"

etc.

Could you imagine? OK, so now I have to brag. That conversation took place over lunch today. Child A was my 2 year old daughter, M, and Child B was 4 year old JR. I have to admit, even I was surprised. But, I cannot take all the credit for it. S and I have been trying to teach polite speak for a while now, but were struggling with it. My kids were certainly polite by society standards, but we wanted to take them above that to actually using specific terminology such as "ma'm," "sir," and "May I be excused?." But it has been difficult to set the example with some of these terms. For example, I can't really ask to be excused from the table when I am the one excusing everyone (although I have tried that, but JR always told me "NO!"). About a week ago, I implemented another tip I learned from a recent book I read.

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Here's the deal: you have a small jar labeled with each child's name. You explain to the children that they will receive a treat in their jar each time they are caught doing a particular thing. In our case, we have chosen to use M&M's since they rarely get candy, and they get one M&M each time they say "Yes/No Ma'm/Sir," "No, thank you," "Yes, please," "May I please...," "You're welcome," for complimenting someone else, or for going out of their way to be polite or helpful (ie. picking up a toy that is in the way, even if they didn't play with it). They only get the M&M if they do the things without being reminded. So, if one child says, "Thank you" for something, he will get an M&M, but if the other child then says it, he will not since he was reminded by the first child. This causes them to try to be quick about being polite. Then, as M&M's are collected, they can also be taken away if the child does something in particular. For example, a behavior that they may know not to do, but continue, yet, perhaps it isn't worthy of true punishment. With our children, they lose one for impolite behavior toward each other. For younger children, this can be a simple and painless, yet devastating and memorable consequence. Then, once a day, they get to eat all the M&M's collected in the jar. As the children's politeness becomes more habitual, you simply wean them off the treat.

M, 2

So, yes, the above conversation was technically due only to some good, old-fashioned bribery. But, hey, nothing else was working, so I figured, why not? And, no doubt, it seems to be working with only simple training sessions on my part. In just the last week that I have implemented this "system," I have noticed a tremendous improvement in the kids' politeness. Through the natural course of this little "game," they are training themselves to become more conscious and aware of their speech and terminology. Besides, a little candy-coated chocolate is good for the soul, right?! ;)

Oohhh, People, people

I took the kids on a rather big adventure today....we ran errands. I tend to avoid making more than one stop when I am alone with all the children, but today, I went to several different places. I wore either N or A in a wrap, had 2 others in a cart, and JR or M walked along side. The kids were awesome, and I felt right proud of our success. OK, I'm done bragging.

During one of my errands, a lady with a little boy came up and asked about the children. Turns out she, too, was a mom of 4 youngsters, all of which were adopted from foster care. She had 2 that were adopted transracially, and several had been meth exposed. I took the opportunity to mention some of A's symptoms. Sure enough, all her meth-exposed babies had had the same symptoms. If I wasn't convinced of exposure before, I am now! We had a lovely chat, exchanged phone numbers and e-mail, and agreed to meet up for a play-date.

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N, 6 weeks

While we were chatting, we noticed a middle-aged woman pacing around us, stealing glances at all the children. She had a strange wobble, and I still do not know if she was drunk or had some type of disability. Finally, she approached us, smoking a cigarette, and started asking questions. Turns out she had overheard the majority of our conversation, so, she looked at me and asked, "So these are your adopted kids?" Since I still wasn't sure whether she was drunk, I just briefly nodded yes. Then, having no tact whatsoever, she looked at A (who I was holding) and asked, "So, is he a half-and-half?" EXCUSE ME? "Is he a half-and-half? Half white, half black?" I was so shocked by those words for some reason, that I honestly can't remember my response. Obviously, it is another response I need to develop prayerfully and lovingly to add to my "list" for the future.

Any adoptive mother knows that comments like that, spoken directly in front of all the children, will make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. Sure, we have adopted children, and yes, it is a fact of our lives. But we do try to be a bit more tactful in the way we choose our wording--particularly if the children are around. We try to be careful to never introduce a "label" of being "adopted" or "our own" to our children. Unfortunately, I am learning it is a label to many folks, and I am beginning to see more of that. All of our children are "our own." Some were physically born to us, while others were "born" in our hearts. When it comes to their skin color, of course, it is obvious that we are different from each other. But that is a blessing from God. He created each individual after His likeness, and to be unique, and that is something we have learned to treasure with our children. To call my child a "half-and-half" is quite offensive. That is a type of cream, not my child. Don't get me wrong, I honestly do not mind answering people's questions. I love to educate--whether it be in regards to service animals, training horses, or adoption. Over the years, however, I have learned there are those who genuinely seek answers, and although their terminology and questions may be somewhat innappropriate, I realize it is an innocent mistake. In fact, I have made many of the same mistakes as I have learned. I am certainly not known for my smooth way with words! *blush* There are others, however, who are just plain tactless. They seemingly do not care who they offend, who they label, and who they look down on. For some reason, they do not view all people as equal in God's eyes. As much as I would love to educate these people, I have found it is very difficult. I tend to have little nerve in such situations, and hate confrontations, and often times, I have found these people already have their minds made up. A quick encounter in a store parking lot will not likely change that mindset.

Thank you for allowing me this little vent, and for those of you who have gone through these adoption processes with us, I thank you for your support and encouragement. When we decided not only to adopt, but to be open to transracial adoption, we had a lot of concerns. We did receive a few negative opinions and remarks, but in most cases, we learned that we are surrounded by people who see all children as God's creation. You can see the bigger picture of how God puts families together, and that love knows no bounds. I can't tell you how much that support has meant to us.

Time for Important Things

Time seems to fly these days, seemingly at the speed of light sometimes. Whole days would pass and I would feel like I was truly missing out on important things. I haven't stuck to my detailed schedule perfectly yet, but I see so many benefits already. This schedule has really helped me make time for the rewarding, and the important things in life that truly count.

I have read my Bible and had a designated prayer time every day. Equally important, I have been more faithful at having designated Bible reading time with the children.

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Earlier this week, we tackled a much-anticipated goal of getting some vegetables started for our first attempt at growing fresh produce.
On Thursday, we took a trip to Chuck E. Cheese's. I have found it to be a relatively inexpensive way to give the kids a thrill. For less than $5, all of us can play for about an hour and a half, the kids get as much stimulation as they can handle, and we all have a great time. This week, my schedule allowed me to plan it in such a way that S was able to share in our fun.

Last night, I found time to try out a new recipe for natural, extra healthy, granola bars. I surprised the kids with them for snack this morning. They love them, but I think they taste a bit like a health-food bar! I will let S be the final judge, and based on his opinion, I will decide whether to post my recipe.

And last, but far from least, I have allowed myself to become more aware of moments like the one below:

When we allow life to get too hectic, it is far to easy to forget to enjoy the things in life that count. Our relationship with Christ, our relationships with others--particularly our spouse and children, ensuring our personal (and family's) health--the temple of Christ, and caring for the things with which God has entrusted us are the things we should truly value.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil--this is the gift of God."

--Ecclesiastes 3:1-13

Baby wearing

As you can probably imagine, a frequent question I am hearing as of recently is, "How do you do it?" My first thought is always something to the effect of, "I couldn't do it without an amazing God, a wonderful husband, and a little insanity for good measure!" On a more serious note though, I have become a HUGE fan of baby wearing. I am not a fan of modern day "attachment parenting," and do not wear my babies for that reason. Rather, I wear them out of necessity in order to get things accomplished and free up my hands. As a mom of 4, you can imagine I have tried about all methods for baby wearing--front carriers, backpacks, slings, etc. For multiple reasons I won't go into, I didn't like any of those options. I dealt with them over the years since it was the only options I knew of, but didn't like them, and I was often achy and sore after wearing them for any extended period. Then I discovered a simple method of wrapping, carried down throughout the generations. I LOVE it! Because I often wear a kid in my wrap out in public, I get a lot of questions about it. So I thought it might be a blog-worthy topic since so many other moms seemed to be searching for a better way to carry their children.

Yes, there is a baby in there. This "front-cross wrap" is my favorite for the smaller babies, and, for me, it was the easiest to learn.

Baby wearing has been around since women have been having babies. It is something of a skill that requires practice to perfect, but once perfected, it is a wonderful tool! Using just one strip of a breathable cotton knit cloth (jersey is my favorite) about 18" wide by 6 yards long, you can create a dozen different ways to carry your baby, toddler, or even preschooler. It holds them up against you, unlike carriers and backpacks, it distributes their weight based on what is most comfortable for you (shoulders, hips, both, chest, etc.), and the kids seem to be very comfy in it. In fact, little A will fall asleep in a hurry when I wear him.

A in the same front cross wrap, but positioned for an older baby.

M in the "back-cross wrap," a good one for older babies, toddlers, and preschoolers. This one takes a little more practice, and although I use it frequently, I am still trying to perfect it.

A in a pareo-style wrap, using the same strip of cloth. This is another of my favorite wraps for toddlers and preschoolers, however, it is the one that I have perfected the least, so I rarely use it.

I found the wrap to be most useful when:

• trying to cook dinner or clean with a fussy toddler under-foot
• traveling in an airport where you need free hands and/or the ability to wear a backpack and don't want the hassle of a stroller
• taking multiple children out in public (wearing one makes this task easier)
• an unexpectedly long walk with young children (just carry one in your car or diaper bag so you have it for an unexpected situation)
• soothing a newborn

You can learn more on the wearyourbaby website. Have fun wearing your baby (or child)!

I have arrived!!

..well, at least for this morning. With a little help from M having a little accident (there's nothing like a little urine to get you going first thing in the morning!), I was up at 5:45! I can't believe how excited I am at rising before the sun. I spent around 30 minutes just reading the wonderful Word of God and praying. It feels so fulfilling and rewarding. That alone helps motivate me to keep going. I am finding another benefit to this early rising....I am able to go to bed earlier (with S) and sleep better! Normally, when I go to bed early, I toss and turn all night. So, there is my little bit of excitement from the pre-dawn hours today! My dog thinks I am nuts and can't figure out why he can't have breakfast yet. I have to thank those of you who have become regular readers, as I feel somewhat accountable to you all. Once I post my goal here, I feel more inspired to meet my goals. So thank you for your patient reading of some of these seemingly trivial posts! Hope everyone has a great day. We are heading to the children's museum today!

Morning #2 and #3

I am still working on my new goal of rising early. Saturday morning, I woke up at 6:40. I was, for once, refreshed and awake. I looked over at the unusual sight of my wonderful hubby still in bed beside me. Mind you, this is VERY unusual. He is naturally an early riser (around 6 am on most weekends), and during the weekdays, he is often up around 4:30 due to his work schedule. So waking up with him beside me is a rare treat indeed. But, I digress. So, assuming he must be very tired and not wanting to disturb him, I told Will (the dog) to "stay" (normally he follows me downstairs), slipped out of bed, quietly put my robe on, and went downstairs. I picked up my Bible and began a wonderful quiet time with the Lord. Around 6:55, a very dreary-eyed S came downstairs, took one look at me, and asked, "Who are you, and what did you do with my wife?" It was classic. It was then I realized I hadn't mentioned my new goal to him. Oh well!

This morning, I am proud to report, that, with a little encouragement from S, I was up at 6:15. I managed to take a shower, get dressed, and take care of several things before the kids came down. I'm getting closer! I can do this!

Where is your Heart?

This week, I was able to check off one of the books on my "want to read" list. It was called "Keeping Our Children's Hearts" by Teri Maxwell. An excellent book in many ways, it caused me to have a bit of introspection. One of the points she made in the book is that we can't expect to capture or keep our children's hearts, unless our children first have our hearts. Easy, right? Of course my children have my heart. I am a mother, isn't it only natural? I mean, my every day is dedicated to them...I care for them, sacrifice for them, even homeschool. Then she asked a simple question that really caused some introspection...."What do you do in your free time?" If I was honest with myself, I have to admit, I LOVE the computer. I spend almost 6 out of 7 days in my home, do the majority of my shopping online (what little I do), book tickets, take care of business, research and order homeschool materials, almost everything. I also correspond with other moms, which is something I very much enjoy. But when I thought more deeply about it, I realized that almost every free moment I had was spent on the computer. Sure, I spend plenty of my time with the kids or cleaning house, but what I realized was that, as soon as I had free time, I didn't always DESIRE to play with kids. I DESIRED to get on the computer. Furthermore, she asked how we reacted if we were on "free time" and our children interupted for a moment. Irritated? Angry? Or understanding and loving? She wasn't saying that we can't have free time or that EVERY moment of a mother's day must be with spent with our children. She was simply trying to make the point that sometimes we, as mothers, do not FULLY give our children our hearts, and that must be the first step if we are to gain theirs with the intent of leading them in the instruction of the Lord.

So the past few days, I have been challenging myself to do better. I have made more of a point to be more verbally thankful of my children during my prayer time, to be more encouraging and smile more when dealing directly with my children, to spend more time holding and interacting with A, and to do more of the "silly" (sometimes monotonous) games that so thrills JR and M. Another challenge I have decided to take on is to rise earlier in the morning. You have to understand that I am a TOTAL and complete night owl. I despise mornings, wish we could totally skip mornings and just jump straight to afternoon. I have always been this way, and the biggest struggle of my entire day happens every morning as I try to drag myself out of bed. Then it takes me a good hour to really wake up and get my brain fully functional (maybe I should learn to like coffee?) Not to make excuses, but I have truly wondered if this is related to my being a Type 1 diabetic. Although I am healthy, my body must often work twice as hard as the average "normal" person. If I happen to have a bad night with high or low blood sugars, it can take more than a day for me to fully recover. I just feel "blah" and worn out. Then again, perhaps this a totally normal thing that can be re-trained. I honestly don't know. Nonetheless, she pointed out that if we truly want to do something we enjoy, then just try to do it before the children arise. Although my kids wake WAAYY before I do, we have taught them to stay in their room until 7 am. So, my new goal is to get up around 6, have a quiet time with the Lord, do some work on the computer, then start my day.

This morning was my first official attempt. I didn't actually wake up until around 6:30, then spent 10 minutes arguing with myself. "You can do this! (Go back to sleep!) You will be so happy with yourself! (Just 15 more minutes!) You can get some housework done before the kids are up! (Who wants to do housework before 7!)...." Finally, I managed to drag myself out of bed around 6:40. I got dressed, picked my room up a bit, and then, about 6:50, this walked in:

I absolutely could not resist that adorable little face! I invited her to join me on my bed for some cuddle time. Which she immediately accepted. So, for 10 minutes, we sat together, just snuggling and talking, and I can honestly say we both enjoyed it immensely. In a home with 3 children (soon to be 4), things can hectic, and I do cherish the occasional individual moments with them. So although my morning wasn't a complete success in terms of my goal, I took the first step. And I can't think of a better reward than a private smile and hug from one of my kids!

Dear Santa....

I have been a really good girl this year. Of course, I have had my faults, but who doesn't, right? I mean, I try really hard to behave, be a good wife, and a good mom.

Can we just forget the time that my dear husband tried to help my morning by pre-filling the baby bottle with water, and I dumped it thinking it was just soaking?

Or his favorite chair that I promised to sew a seat for 7 months ago, and have yet to do.

And the time I laughed at my 4 year old who, while relieving himself, kindly shouted a warning, "Mom, I'm sorry if the kitchen stinks, but the smell goes out the space under the door, and I can't help it!"

Or the way I have taught my children to recycle to the point that my 4 year old asks, "Mom, if we die, and we leave our skin, and God makes new people who need skin, then why doesn't God just use our skin instead of making more?"

I mean, my kids love going to church, at least...even if JR only goes to watch the drummer, and M only goes to see what yummy snack they are having that day.

It can't be all that bad that my 2 year old honestly thinks the technical name for hiccups is either "hic-em-ups" or "hiccup-a-potamus?"

And let's not even bring up the REALLY bad mommy-moment when I was a new mom-of-3, and I loaded all the kids in their carseats, and started backing out of the driveway, when JR suddenly stated, "MOM! You forgot A!" Sure enough, there was little A, securely fastened into his carseat, sitting happily in the middle of the kitchen floor. But, I have learned to do in-car headcounts now!

OK, ok, I guess I can resign myself to a bag of coal this year. Maybe it will actually inspire me to plan a camping trip when the weather warms up.

Merry Christmas Everyone!!

Too Early for Christmas?

I'm weak!.....I lost it!....My last nerve was shot!....I couldn't take ANYMORE!....

So I gave in to the temptation. But I am not the only guilty party here. In fact, my dear husband was actually the one who suggested we do it......

After a month of almost ceaseless banging on anything and everything, and several broken or cracked rubbermaid-type storage containers, we absolutely could not take JR's drumming any longer. We had his big Christmas gift wrapped and just sitting under the tree, with every intention of giving it to him for Christmas. But we finally just couldn't wait any longer.

Aaaahhhhh! Relief at last! Peace once again. Oh, how I love volume control!

Thankful...

There are a few things I am soooooo thankful we taught/are teaching our kids!

• to pray (there are few things sweeter than a young child's prayer!)
• to whisper if they have an urgent question about someone
• to ask questions about others when we are alone in the car or at home
• "potty-talk" (i.e. anything related to bodily waste) should not happen at the dinner table
• gas should only be expelled in the bathroom (it is so funny when my son suddenly jumps down from the dinner table with the explanation "I have to go pass gas!")
• manners (it is sad when manners are so rare, that people compliment when they hear your children use them!)
• to raise a hand or gently touch me in our specific way and wait for acknowledgement, rather than interrupt an adult conversation (in person or on phone)
• to like vegetables (I really felt like I had done something right the other day when JR suddenly said, "Mom, for lunch today, I want broccoli, sweet potatoes, and peas!" Unfortunately, I didn't have all those items, but geepers, that came from my 4 year old!!)
• a routine (life is soooo much easier when children know what to expect, go to bed and stay there without a fight, ask to take their baths, and stay in their rooms until the designated times!)
• to play independently sometimes
• to clean up their toys (no, I do not have a clean house all the time, but it is nice to have a little help at "clean-up time")

I think we have been saved many a potentially embarassing moment thanks to a few of these. What are some things you are thankful for?

The Invisible Mother

Someone sent me this, and I thought I would pass it along. Unfortunately, they did not include the author. Nonetheless, I thought it was something all we mothers could appreciate....

THE INVISIBLE MOTHER

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response,the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The Invisible Mom.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands, I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it? I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude- but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. Iwas sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees. 'In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, afterwhich I could pattern my work. No one can say who built the great cathedrals, we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything. A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man,'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction but it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my child to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand-bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.'As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen, if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
--author unknown

Going directly to the Word

I have been convicted recently about showing our children exactly how the Bible instructs us, so that they can begin to grasp that we are following God's word in our obedience rather than just Mom and Dad's. This task has caused me to hesitate somewhat though, as I am not good--in fact, I am downright terrible--at remembering actual scripture references. This is something I am working on currently, but decided that for my children's sake, the best way to teach would be to dive right in (and become really good friends with my Bible's concordance and reference index!)

Today we had a situation where JR disobeyed my instruction. Nothing major, but as a consequence, I made him stop doing his activity entirely. He is a very sensitive child by nature, so, because he wanted to continue so badly, this consequence caused the tears to flow. It was almost lunch time. So I briefly explained his disobedience and the resulting consequence, and then left him alone to calm down while I prepared lunch. It occurred to me what a prime opportunity I had to take him to the Word of God. So, as we sat down to lunch, I grabbed the Bible. I asked him about what he had done wrong, ensured that he understood his actions, and then asked if he understood why I had to discipline him when he disobeyed. He explained to me, "No, mom, obeying is ugly! I can't do that." This statement shocked me and as I delved deeper, I realized that JR had a total misunderstanding and confusion regarding the terms obey and disobey. BTW, these are terms I use regularly, so it had never occurred to me that he didn't understand them. I was so incredibly thankful I had taken the opportunity to talk with him. So after some explaining, defining, and clarifying, I then asked him why he needed to obey. As expected, he answered, "I don't know." I then told him that God gives us instructions that we are to obey. I asked who wrote the Bible, and he answered, "GOD!" So then we went to Exodus 20:12 and Matthew 15:4, and discussed God's instruction that we are to "Honor our mother and father," and the fact that God promises rewards such as a long life if we obey. Then I asked if he understood why I have to discipline if he disobeys. When he didn't seem confident in his answer, we again turned to the Word of God and looked at Proverbs 22:6, "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not turn from it." We discussed the meaning of that verse, and the fact that I have to teach my children, because God instructs me to do so, and I have to obey God. Discipline is how we learn sometimes. I used some examples of disobedient acts he had committed in the past and their resulting consequence, and he quickly seemed to catch on to how he learned through those experiences. We discussed what kind of little boy would treat his parents really ugly. JR replied that an "ugly" boy would. I asked the same about a boy who treats his parents nicely, to which he replied a "nice" boy. We then turned to Proverbs 20:11, "Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right." We discussed different kinds of people and their actions and whether or not they are likely obeying God.

It may have been a little overkill, but it was the first time (I am truly ashamed to confess) that I have approached such a situation in this manner. It really felt good. Furthermore, JR truly seemed to enjoy the conversation, and even seemed to grasp the majority of the concepts we discussed. M was at the table with us the whole time, just listening. I have no idea how much she understood. After our conversation, however, she started her own conversation with JR about good people, bad people, ugly, nice, and spanks, so she obviously picked up a little from it.

Hopefully, as I am getting deeper into the Word myself, as we learn memory verses together, and as I take the kids to the Word for teachable moments, I will quickly get better at it. Some mom's make it seem so easy! Nonetheless, I can't think of a better way to spend a lunch hour, then with my family, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and the Word of God!

An evening at home

I just wanted to share what an evening around here looks like (though not every evening, it is one of our favorite types). Sorry, it is kind of a dark pic, we don't have a lot of camera-appropriate lighting in this house, but we do have fun! I get such joy watching the smiles on their faces as they interact with their father, and see the love of music that seems to be developing inside them. Oh, and just for the record, I have no clue what JR is singing! LOL

What brought us to this point

I had a conversation with my mom recently which got me thinking about why we are heading in the direction that we are. Why are we seeking to go to the extreme of raising our produce and meat, and cooking our food from scratch? Why are trying to collect rainwater to drink and bathe in instead of using the more easily accessible tap or well water? Why do I want to homeschool my children instead of utilizing the schools that my tax dollars are paying for? Am I denying myself and my family by living the simple life? As I got to thinking, I reflected back on some of the reasons. I know exactly why, and it is not just a whim. It is a result of many factors, but, in an attempt to keep this post to a controllable length, here are a few:

• I am an animal fanatic, and always wanted to live on a farm with lots of animals.



• My husband is an environmental tree-hugger (to a point) who seeks to take care of the creation that God has given us.



• As a diabetic, I used to drink a lot of diet soda, as it was about the only non-water drink I could have. Although I drank them in moderation, after years of this, I began to get headaches shortly after I drank more than about half of a diet soda. I reduced my intake, and shortly thereafter, the study was released in the news that linked the artificial phenylalanine chemical that was predominant in artificial sweeteners to many health issues due to its chemical nature. That's when warnings began appearing on the can.



• In 2004, my first son was born with many health problems. His non-stop screaming resulted in us being exhausted and frustrated. At just 3 weeks old, he screamed for 8 straight hours with no sleep. As a result of his condition, I was forced to supplement him with formulas. He was starving all the time, and I spent most of my day feeding him. His frequent and copious vomiting resulted in his classification as a failure to thrive, and we were on the hairy edge of being monitored for neglect. We were forced to medicate him to help control the vomiting so he could gain weight. Consults with multiple doctors and nurses left everyone baffled. When I realized he was having mild seizures, we convinced a doctor to refer us to a neurologist. By now, he was about 7 months old. Although he was on track developmentally, we were at our wits end with the screaming, vomiting, and seizures. No one would babysit, the church nursery always had me come and get him. We could hardly go anywhere. We were miserable. We knew there had to be a reason. While we were awaiting the referal, we continued to pray. After a great deal of prayer, God led S to some results from a recent water testing in the area in which we lived. While the results were within "normal" range, we saw that many of the toxins in our water were on the high end of normal. S began to do some research and found that some specific toxins in water caused a particular type of infant seizure. Symptoms of these seizures included abnormal vomiting and screaming. As an experiment, we decided to switch to bottled spring water. Just 3 days after switching water sources, it was like someone flipped a switch. EVERYTHING stopped...no screaming, no vomiting, no seizures. Just like that, he became a "normal" happy baby who began to thrive--the child that everyone knows and adores today.



• When JR was about 18 months old, he had a severe allergic reaction to penicillin. The reaction was so severe, the doctor ordered that we remove every trace of penicillin from his environment for one week to get it completely out of his system. This involved switching to all organic dairy products (organic animals cannot be fed antibiotics). After a week or so, JR was fine, but this led me to begin researching the benefits of organic.



• At the same time, I was having multiple infections. Although it was common for diabetics to have such infections, I didn't have a history of it and I didn't fit the profile of the diabetic who typically gets them. We were also working with service dogs and it seemed like every puppy that came into our house got sick. We watched one who almost died after being with me only 3 days. The only common denominator was the water. We switched the dogs to spring water, and I began to take brief showers instead of baths. The pups quit getting sick and my infections diminished significantly.



• As a precaution, when we moved shortly thereafter, we purchased and installed special filters for our tap water and our showerheads. Amazingly, my infections were eliminated.



• In 2006, I began to itch with no explanation. It started in my joints, and spread up and down my arms and legs. It was like my skin was crawling. If I scratched, I broke out in hives and left huge red welts. It was the strangest thing. I evaluated my diet and living conditions. We were in a new area, so I assumed I was having an allergic reaction to something. Since I had no history of allergies though, I was puzzled. I saw two doctors, one being an allergist, who, again, blamed it on my diabetes. I wouldn't believe that. My sugars were good, I was healthy, and I had NEVER heard of itching and hives as a diabetic complication. They put me on an antihistamine and told me I would likely be on it the rest of my life. The meds controlled the itch and at least let me sleep, but everytime I tried to wean myself off, I started itching again. Remembering what I had learned with JR's organic experience, we decided to experiment. We switched to a more natural, somewhat organic diet. Amazingly, the day we officially switched our diet was the last pill I had to take. I have never had another issue with itching and hives. We are convinced it was a build up of chemicals in my body.



• I used to irritate S because I did not like drinking out of a plastic cup. I always used our glasses. Of course, with young children, this meant occasional breakage. When he would beg me to switch to plastic, I always told him, "I can't really explain it, but my tea just tastes different in plastic. I don't like it. I like it out of a glass." We occasionally had this discussion until last year when the study results came out about the BPA contained in most plastics. Let's just say that, not only does S not mind me drinking out of a glass anymore, he drinks out of a glass now too!! If it breaks, we get out the vaccuum! LOL



• I put JR and M into preschool for one semester while I finished my degree. It was a great little private preschool, and certainly offered a great deal for them. However, within a week of attending, JR began having a serious attitude. Other mothers told me, "don't worry, it is totally normal when they start school." I had to ask why? Then JR began coming home and telling me about what some of the kids would do in class or how so-and-so didn't listen to the teacher. After attending a couple of field trips with his class, it was quickly apparent that his attitude was deriving from his peers and the fact that the teacher was limited in her ability to discipline. I did not want my child to learn those negative lessons at such an impressionable age.

Well, there you have it. I don't mean to scare anyone, but no one can deny we have encountered some pretty impressive situations and "coincidental" (try THANK GOD!) outcomes. A few other things worth mentioning....I have noticed since we began the changes in our diets and environments that I have not had a single migraine, rarely get so much as a cold, the kids seem healthier overall, we feel better and I have way more energy, and my blood sugars are actually easier to control. I will admit that I really have no "hard" black-and-white proof to my claims about our water and diet, however, I will never be convinced otherwise. My children, at least for now, seem to be heading down the path S and I desire for them, with a love for the Lord and a compassionate nature. I thank the Lord for showing us how to help ourselves in most cases, and for making it as simple a solution as just practicing what the Bible teaches! Are we denying them? Possibly. However, I can live with myself denying them material possessions and fun "things" if it will help them learn to keep a focus on Christ, develop a love for family and helping others, and an understanding that hard work and earning your keep is a Biblical and desirable trait. I do pray that I can have the wisdom to balance these lessons with fun and enjoyment, and that we provide them sufficient opportunity to develop to their fullest potential. But, I can confidently say that I feel comfortable and at peace with these principles as priorities.

So, in closing, I want to share two things with you. One is my most recent sewing machine creation. While nothing impressive to an experienced seamstress, I am pretty excited about it.......

My first cloth napkins, and to make it even sweeter, I used some extra fabric I had laying around!

And secondly, something I even more proud of, JR reading during today's lesson. (If you can't view now, try later. Processing is taking a while!)

Not feeling Proverbial

No doubt I am not meeting up to Proverbial woman standards today!! I have a 3 yr old with croup, a 2 yr old who is her normal strong-willed, fussy-when-don't-get-my-way self, and a 5 month old with a cold and teething. After I couldn't stand another moment of crankiness, I put them all to bed for nap 15 minutes early. You should have heard the noise coming out of this house--all of us marching up the stairs, the baby in my arms, fussing, JR behind me, screaming as loud as he could, and M behind him, crying because she has no clue what is going on. My husband is due home shortly, the house is a wreck and I should be cleaning, and what am I doing? Seeking a little solace on the computer! Does that make me a complete failure or is a mom occasionally entitled? The fact that I know in my heart that my current fatigue is pure selfishness, which is technically a sin, does not help me feel any better. Boy do I look forward to hubby coming home! He is my solace when he is here, and I always look forward to him walking in the door. On a day like this, it is all the sweeter! Hope all of you are having a much better day!

How I LOVE routines!!!

The family I grew up in was not very routine oriented. My husband's, however, was. He introduced me to the concept. Although it took some time for me to adjust, 3 children later, I LOVE routines! I think of this fact so many times throughout the day. My children absolutely thrive on their routine. Because I am cursed/blessed (depending on how much sleep I had the night before) with early risers, I have trained my 2 and 3 year old to stay in their rooms until 7 a.m. They are allowed to come out and go potty (M will get me for help if need be), but otherwise, they just play quietly. Let me tell you, there are times that extra hour or so can be a real blessing! After breakfast, M will often go get the Bible for our morning Bible lesson. JR loves to say his part of the prayer afterwards, and I rarely have to remind him. Skip ahead to naptime. They eat their lunch, and when instructed, they head upstairs, go into their rooms, sometimes play awhile, and put themselves to sleep. JR is getting to where he doesn't sleep much, so he may just hang out and have "quiet time" in his room. He has learned to read a digital clock and will come out at the appropriate time. Same with bedtime. We all head upstairs, brush teeth, go potty, change into PJs, read a book, get a drink, say prayers, and go to sleep. Amazingly, even 5 month old A has figured out his bed is place to rest. It is as though he breathes a sigh of relief as I lay him down for his naps (the fact that he is a big sleeper helps!)

I am not saying we don't have our occasional challenges, but typically, challenges are due to being off schedule. Even the occasional nightmare rarely results is us as parents having to go soothe a child, as they will typically cry out, wake up, realize they are in the safety of their bed, and fall right back to sleep. 3 years ago, you would have never convinced me that a strong-willed 2 year old could put herself to bed with only some basic direction. I often just sit back and watch my children, and am amazed at what they are capable of at such a young age. I am convinced we do not give children enough credit!